That Beggars Might Ride

Sometimes I wish I were less responsible-- perhaps more able to stick my head in the sand. Make poor decisions and not feel wracked with guilt. Knowingly exercise poor judgment and not watch as my self-worth plummets perceptively. Perhaps I need a sense of entitlement, you know, greater than the one I already have. I want a vacation. Warm sands, hot sun, the water, the waves. I cannot afford this. I could throw it on a credit card, but doing so would not give me any sense of relaxation. It would without a doubt produce the exact opposite. With a generous helping of self-loathing thrown in on the side. For good measure.

Would that I had little regard for myself or others. Would that I could spend with reckless abandon. Would that I could so manage my affairs as to afford an early Spring vacation.