Monday, July 30, 2007

Never lovers, ever friends

I wish you bluebirds in the Spring
To give your heart a song to sing

You can do this.
That’s what I told myself.
It’s what Margaretta told me.
It’s what my mom told me.

A few hours and it’s over.

“You don’t have to go.”
That’s what my mom said.

But, of course, I had to. How could I not?

And in July, a lemonade
To cool you in some leafy glade

I drove up from Boston slightly hungover, nauseous and, quite frankly, emotionally drained.
It’s been a tough 9 months. I wasn’t sure if I had it in me to get through it.
Gracefully, that is. I knew I could get through it by getting drunk and acting a fool.
I owe him more than that. I owe myself more than that.

…shelter from the storm
A cozy fire to keep you warm

We got to the church- a small wooden affair in the middle of a VT field.
The guest milled about outside and I went in and gave him a hug.

…bluebirds in the Spring
To give you heart a song to sing

His brother walked his grandmother down the aisle
Then the bridesmaid
Then he walked with his mother
His father trailed behind.

And then, I knew for sure.

My breaking heart and I agree
That you and I could never be

Because it’s true

But most of all, I wish you love.

Bye Bye Blackbird

We close on my grandmother’s house next week.
Mom went up Monday morning, the movers come on Friday.

Pack up all my cares and woes

55+ years.
Johnny and I went out last night to help with the attic and collect a few last pieces.
At this point it seems as though my mother will take most of the belongings. My uncles are wrecks, particularly my uncle John in CA. Mom's the one who has cleaned out the house. To the victor go the spoils, or so they say.

Here I go, swinging low

We found my grandmother’s yearbook from 1938 (she was just 14 but a junior, no accelerated or gifted program back then, they just had you skip grades), several old trunks and my grandparents engagement announcement from the New York Times.

Bye bye blackbird

Johnny mixed martinis, Mom had a G&T.
Mom turned to me and said, “Aside from when you were sick, this is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.”